Getting a Keitai (no, it’s not a parasite)

I was tired of beating around the bush. I had a big trip to Nagasaki City coming, and I wasn’t about to let a little thing like the lack of my foreign registration card, no translator, and no mastery in Japanese hold me back from getting my keitai (cell phone). I was absolutely sure that I was going to get lost, kidnapped, or stranded on a desert island in one of the largest cities in Japan, and I’d only have myself to blame if I didn’t have a little piece of plastic innovation to accompany me. What I really wanted, of course, was Steve Job’s latest variation on geek-chic technopoly, the iPhone. iPhones are expensive. Like, to the tune of about 8man (pronounced “man” like a Jamacian, it’s Y80,000 or roughly $800). Don’t get me wrong, Steve had me convinced I HAD to have this phone. But when I found out I couldn’t even take it back to the states with me and make it work… I was a sad panda.

I reassured myself with petty little self-assurances like “there are hungry people in the world, and that’s an absurd amount of money” and “if you put your mind to it, you could really save a lot of money in Japan and an iPhone is an awful place to start.” That’s wonderful and all, but just the same, after all the pretty ads and Steve’s hip yet tacky faux turtle necks I felt like I was going to wind up enlightened and wise… just without an iPhone. Sadly, I left my honest and self-exonerating consumerism behind for more rational but boring common-sense and altruism.

I met with my colleague Sue-Ann and her best friend Lawrence who teaches at the school up the road from me. I don’t think I’ve mentioned Sue-Ann yet, and since so much of my work life will include her, I guess I should describe her to you. Sue-Ann is from Trinidad and Tobago, which I’m sure Pam may be getting a kick out of. Sue-Ann is I think around 22 and recently graduated (along with Lawrence, though in a different major) in Tourism Management. Sue-Ann’s accent is distinctly placed as being from the islands, but it is very mild and has subtle but distinct British undertones. To be totally honest, I was worried if everyone here, who was used to an American style accent, would have trouble understanding her. She speaks in clear, enunciated syllables however that her accents combine into something really quite regal. Her demeanor and work dress largely match her accent, and she carries herself with an unassuming grace that’s neither indistinct nor haughty. She’s quirky too, in her own totally harmless way. She spends entirely too much time at the hyaku-en store (dollar store) and fixing her nest at home; oh and the girl’s a trip at a party.

We made plans to meet at Starbucks at 1pm on Wednesday, but at 10am we got a very distraught phone-call from the school saying we needed to go in today and turn in a form that needed to be mailed pronto. As an aside, we had today and the last half of the week off for summer break. So, apparently the there is a “Japanese Language Course by Mail” the JET program offers, that few people seem to enjoy. I had already signed up for real classes and brought my textbook with me and had no interest. However, because it was “official” I had to send the order form in, marked “no thank you.” Of course, it didn’t help matters I tossed out that form along with a bunch of other things I figured might be worthless (turns out it wasn’t!) and I had to copy Sue’s. Of course, you have to realize it’s O-bon season and EVERYONE is traveling to return to their families. When Nagaishi sensei picked me up, we had to fight traffic to where Sue lives, park, and I had to explore the neighborhood on foot (sans my ketai) until I found Sue’s apartment, and then ask around until I found us a copy machine (we needed multiple copies for both of us anyway). We did manage to find a really cool bookstore where I got a copy of the Full Metal Alchemist manga I had been missing… it’s just in Japanese and I can’t read it. I bought it anyway… sorry, victim of impulse, and I’ve made it a long term project to read that stupid book.

We made our way back to Nagaishi’s parked car, who I’m nominating for sainthood, turned in the forms and then managed to just catch the next bus by running to the stop across the street. Already exhausted, we got into town, and walked about the arcade until we found a suitable place to eat. I put our names down, asked for non-smoking in butchered Japanese, and we had to wait because we were at the Japanese Denny’s (called Gyuemon) and it was packed for the holiday. Stomach’s nearly full, Lawrence and I bonded over a mutual love of ice-cream and food in general and we detoured to McDonalds and had an Oreo McYummy, or whatever it’s called.

I knew which mobile phone store we should go to, because I had been here the day before scouting which places could help us in English. Look, I’m all about some Japanese, but when I’m signing a contract, I need some help in English. As an aside, there is not one, not two, not three, but SIX different AU (the carrier we chose to go with) Mobile Phone Stores in this immediate area. I navigated us to the store we wanted, where I was assured yesterday there would be an English speaker present today. They were right. She spoke about as much English if not more so than I speak Japanese and was really fantastic. Even with the pair of us basically able to communicate, Japanese cell phone plans are very complicated even if you are Japanese, and getting all the “if… then…” statements correct in the cell-phone plan understood by all parties, not to mention all the little sales and promotions they had, was very very long and exhausting. It took nearly 3 hours, but they were super helpful and friendly. Not the least of which, they called the nearby bank for Sue when they found out they kept one of her foreign resident papers, and even convinced them to come and deliver that paper to the store so she could complete her transaction.

We went to the hyaku-en store. I bought a towel, Lawrence bought a soda, Sue bought… everything else. We also hiked to the train station and purchased our tickets to Nagasaki both for our trip this weekend for the O-bon parade and the mandatory business trip to Nagasaki later this month. Two round-trips is only Y5000 ($50) so totally not that bad. By around 5 we were ready to head back to the store yet one last time to pick up our phones. Japanese cell phones have a lot of features, and the woman we had been working with for so long was kind enough to explain them to me. My phone sends/receives emails, sends/receives texts, works in multiple countries, has a camcorder, a camera, a television, turns into a robot, surfs the internet, GPS tracks both you and your friends, gives you spoken walking or driving directions to any GPS location, plays and downloads music, (and makes phone calls). The robot’s name is Domo Arigato, but I just call him Domo for short. Domo doesn’t speak and only understands Japanese, so we have a language barrier to work on. Sadly we were all really tired and hungry so I didn’t have much time to interact with him.

By this time… it was late (like 5), and I was starving. Fortunately, I was invited to join some friends and another new JET I hadn’t met yet for dinner and maybe a beer or two. I said goodbye to those two, who I think had more shopping to do, and went home to get ready for dinner. Domo tried to help me fold my clothes, but he’s so little the most he could do was pick up one of my socks and drag it around. We headed off to meet everyone in Saza, a small town farther out from Sasebo than my school or where I live.

I met Gill, my new favorite Scottish, guitar-playing, song-writing, vegetarian ALT, at her house. She was naked. I was early. I waited in her foyer in my socks for a few minutes while she dressed and she invited me in. Shortly after, we were off to the bar/restaurant to have dinner. I had met Gill’s friend Kate here once before, and I was really happy to see the guys who run the place again. Really friendly people, and it’s great because they give me a reference point for male speech patterns in Japanese. That, and they love to listen to me try and speak. A few beers and an amazing pasta dish later, we were having a great time. There was laughing, guitar playing, some dancing, and costumes. Just look at the pictures. The apron was great… apparently it’s used for something called “sexy-time” around the holidays, in which the apron is worn and nothing else. Happy Turkey-Day to you too. I suppose for those of you searching for culture notes, I’m reasonably certain “sexy-time” is colloquial, not traditional.

Pics, and one vid. Oh, and if you aren't reading the photo captions (click the big round "i"), you should be!